Cheesesteak Warning Signs

Hey I’m working on something for Foobooz/the Metro regarding cheesesteaks.
The premise is there are certain warning signs to look for and if you see too many of them abort your cheesesteak purchase. Do you guys have any other warning signs that you’re about to have a craptastic steak?
Vernacular – We know that everyone outside of the Delaware Valley refers to a cheesesteak as a “Philly cheesessteak.” But if you’re within 30 miles of 9th and Passyunk the word “Philly” is a tip off that this is not an authentic cheesesteak. And never order a steak with cheese. This is always a fraud steak sandwich. Also cheesesteak is one word and Microsoft Word should know this.
Non Kraft Whiz – Even if you prefer your steak with provolone or American cheese you should always be on the lookout for non-Kraft cheese spreads. If they’re skimping on the quality of the Whiz what are the chances they are using good meat?
Hunts Ketchup – Similar to the Kraft Whiz key is the non-Heinz rule. There is only one true ketchup and it is Heinz. Sure we’ve tasted homemade ketchup from XXXX and it’s great. But for a steak sandwich, they had better be serving up Heinz.
Condiments are optional – If a menu describes the steak sandwich as having hot peppers, mushrooms or anything besides cheese and onions in the description, it’s not a real cheesesteak, it’s a cheesesteakesque. Buyer beware!
Bread Choices – Steak sandwiches come on a long roll, often from Amoroso. Steak sandwiches are not served on Kaiser rolls, pita bread or in wraps.

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21 Responses to Cheesesteak Warning Signs

  1. Kierstan says:

    If the clerk isn’t rude to you when you’re ordering, there’s a good chance you aren’t in Philadelphia; therefore, you aren’t receiving a real “cheesesteak”.
    If there aren’t signs in the window posted by shop owners who have a recent connection to immigrant ancestry, that states, “Speak Engligh, This Is America”, you aren’t in Philadelphia; therefore, you aren’t receiving a real “cheesesteak”.

  2. fiyah says:

    the hot pepper jars shake and rumble when i drive by Dalessandro’s on Henry. Cherry Peppers a must, yellow bannanas are the second option but they are kind of weak (see mustached men.)
    Dalessandros, got to eat them there though, not as good to go. You’ll need to take a shower when you are done.

  3. kratz says:

    boy I need to get out more

  4. dk says:

    nametags and uniforms. the only chain that should be concerned with cheesesteaks is gold, and it hangs around sweaty, hairy necks.

  5. dk again says:

    sorry, bern. chubby’s is better.

  6. bern says:

    not recently, and just b/c they offer parking doesn’t make them better.

  7. shoup says:

    Dean – that is blasphemy! I never want to hear you talk about Chubby’s being better than Dalessandros. Your neighbor Rob Lamb would not be pleased either.

  8. Thirsty Goalie says:

    Dean, I’m with you. I went to college right down the street from Chubby’s and Delassandros and we always went to Chubby’s for steaks, unless of course someone was sober enough to drive down to Pat’s.

  9. RR says:

    You’re all missing it. The epitome of Death by Cheesesteak is getting a large with wiz and fried onions at Pudge’s in Blue Bell on Dekalb. The $100 cheesesteak at Barclay Prime is apparently wonderful as well. Does that price tag eliminate it? They also use Kobe beef which may be a no no.

  10. Thor says:

    FYI: Delassandro’s has recently changed hands.
    March 20
    New owner is Alexandros Apsis, who also has two other steak shops: Pagano’s (7617 Ogontz Ave.) and the Explorer’s Den (2160 W. Olney Ave.).

  11. Dr. Bumba says:

    I must agree with Red Rocket regarding Pudge’s.

  12. rmel says:

    Never trust a shop if you dont smell the fried onions as soon as you walk in the door.
    If you order a “cheesesteak” at any venue where there is a professional sport being played you will pay too much and will be very dissapointed upon eating it.

  13. Thirsty Goalie says:

    Perhaps we should start 5th period Cheesesteak taste testing.

  14. Kierstan says:

    Thats a bad idea… We may start consuming cheesesteaks like we consume Labatt’s and that we lead to NO backchecking on your behalf… No is worse than less.

  15. Kierstan says:

    Thats a bad idea… We may start consuming cheesesteaks like we consume Labatt’s and that would lead to NO backchecking on your behalf… None is worse than little.

  16. Thirsty Goalie says:

    Enough cheesesteaks and I’ll be able to take up more of the net.

  17. RR's Veggie Wife says:

    Sign of a good cheesesteak (At least according to RR)? When they don’t offer a single vegetarian item. No cheese hoagies, no veggie, soy, extra protein, made of saw dust, you’ll need to drink a glass of water just to swallow hoagies…. Basically I sit there and watch the wiz run down his chin…

  18. Tyrone Bootzpatrick says:

    Lou, that’s not whiz running down his chin. Whiz isn’t white.

  19. Thirsty Goalie says:

    Haha, are you saying RR prefers a tubesteak?

  20. TS says:

    Do you know this man?

  21. bert says:

    Eewww. Maybe that wasn’t a piss stain on the couch at PP!?

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