Professor Jenkins And The Denny Scale


Who said all they do up in Happy Valley is party. Our favorite undergrad hits Excel hard in hopes of finding out how big an earthquake has to be in order to wake up Denny.
Full analysis after the jump.

Talked to Denny yesterday because I bet him a case of beer that Penn State
would upset Michigan in Happy Valley (damm). He told me there was an
earthquake in Hawaii the night before while he was sleeping. He said he
didn’t hear it and it didn’t wake him up yet it registered a 6.6. I then
asked him if he was banged up from the night before but already knew the
answer before the said “Well, what do you think?”
This leads to a suggestion. There should be a “Denny Scale” to judge
alcohol level in functioning alcoholics. It would be somewhat of an
inverted BAC because earlier test have shown that the BAC is too sensetive
to measure such massive amounts of alcohol in the body. The “Denny Scale”
would be the magnitude earthquake necessary to rouse a slumbering Denny from
a drunken stuper.
Theory: It would take x amount of buddyweisers to ensure that Denny would
not be wakened by and earthquake of magnitude X-7 (at lower limits) and
about X-22 at the upper limits.
When I put this into Microsoft Excel and tried to deduce the equation
with math and past Denny experiences I found a more exact equation of
y = 8E-05X^2 + 0.2467X + 0.5059
With x representing the BuddyWeiser Count (BWC) corresponding to y
being the Magnitude Required for Rouse (MRR). Plugging and Chugging data
with this equation gives a varience between Magnitude and Beers of 0.997.
A varience of 1 would correspond to a dead-on match so this is would mean
our derived equation is 99.7% accurate
Using this equation we can deduce that the 6.6 magnitude earthquake
that occured near the Island of Hawaii means that Denny had atleat 25
BuddyWeisers. And since we are aware of the number of golf courses in
Hawaii and the fact that it was indeed a Saturday, this is highly likely.
Drunken Denny Spreadsheet

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9 Responses to Professor Jenkins And The Denny Scale

  1. goat says:

    Well done “nutty sack” professor. I actually spoke to him Saturday night, or should I say, listened to him and he sounded as if he indeed had about 25 buddies or had 25 marbles in his mouth because i could not decipher one word.

  2. Art says:

    I’m sure it sounded a little like, Deee-troit Ti-gers, Amer-i-can League, Champ-i-ons!

  3. turk says:

    and the committee is proud to present the Anheuser Busch Drunken Mathmatics award to ..

  4. fiyah says:

    PlacidOH PolonOH!

  5. Art says:

    I look forward to watching Rolen and Polanco battle for a World Series title as I ponder who will play third base for the Phillies next year.
    F* Ed Wade

  6. kratz says:

    welcome back art – we missed you

  7. Z... says:

    Z… received a V.M… From D.. on Sun…, need to C… him back…. to find out if M.J. Scale is C………

  8. D says:

    That is correct D-town going to the World Series Polanco MVP……Way to Go Philly has once again let go of talent……Abreu???????? Oh almost forgot Primeau, Your Former Captain came from where??????? That 6.6 was the fat bitch my buddy Hannon threw from the ninth floor balcony……….She was from Philly Suckas!!!!!!

  9. Dr. Bumba says:

    Aldo, will you speak English?????

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